


rumour has it

by antikytheras



Series: warm-up hogwash [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: (yet), Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Anxiety, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Mildly Cracky, house discrimination, i'm not good at tags sorry, i'm tempted to say crack but it's not really, no one's canonically dating anyone, they're all sweethearts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-16
Updated: 2016-12-16
Packaged: 2018-09-09 00:30:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8868892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antikytheras/pseuds/antikytheras
Summary: Viktor Nikiforov is a genius. He tops the level without having to study and he can perform most spells without his wand. He was the second-ever first-year Seeker in the school, and the first Slytherin one at that. He’s a Parselmouth and he’s tamed the other basilisk hidden in the school’s plumbing. He has washboard abs and really defined hipbones. He’s the only son in a long line of pureblood Slytherins and he’s half-Veela and he can speak Mermish and he was born as Voldemort’s secret daughter which is why he’s prettier than half of the girls in school and—‘Where do you even get all these?’ Viktor asks, eyebrows drawn together in bemusement. 'I'm not even a pureblood, I'm Muggleborn.'





	

**Author's Note:**

> Before proceeding, please note that this is warm-up hogwash, which means that it's (hogwarts au) stuff I write that I don't do a lot of quality checking/quality control on.
> 
> Disclaimer: I know nothing about anxiety and it’s been really long since I read any Harry Potter. Also, I might have butchered their personalities a bit. Concrit would be lovely :) but maybe a little ineffective because it's not actually an edited work aha.
> 
> EDIT: I got [fanart](http://sterndecorum.tumblr.com/post/154579987123/)?? Ahh??? How do people insert these without internally combusting???

Viktor Nikiforov is a genius. He tops the level without having to study and he can perform most spells without his wand. He was the second-ever first-year Seeker in the school, and the first Slytherin one at that. He’s a Parselmouth and he’s tamed the _other_ basilisk hidden in the school’s plumbing. He has washboard abs and _really_ defined hipbones. He’s the only son in a long line of pureblood Slytherins and he’s half-Veela and he can speak Mermish and he was born as Voldemort’s secret daughter which is why he’s prettier than half of the girls in school and—

‘Where do you even get all these?’ Viktor asks, eyebrows drawn together in bemusement.

Yuuri lifts his eyes from the post-it note in his hand and takes a moment to catch his breath. It’s a ridiculously long list, and he’s barely a quarter of the way through and he’s already used up all his air for laughing. ‘Phichit collects gossip,’ he explains when he catches his breath. With his other hand, he’s starting the last paragraph of his Charms essay, and once he finishes _that_ he’ll be free at last. He can almost taste Hogsmeade on the tip of his tongue.

Viktor drops his quill and pulls the post-it note out of Yuuri’s other hand. As his eyes scan down the small piece of paper filled with Phichit’s even smaller and looping handwriting, the furrow in his brows deepens and he looks progressively confused. ‘I’m not even a pureblood, I’m _Muggleborn_. And why does the basilisk one sound so strangely phrased?’

‘Phichit,’ Yuuri repeats, and the fact that it’s actually a reasonable answer makes him pause to reconsider his friendships.

Viktor picks up his quill again and annotates the post-it note. He ends up cancelling almost all the lines on it as he mumbles to himself. ‘The genius one isn’t really untrue but I definitely study and I _definitely_ need my wand for spells. The Seeker one is actually right but I’m not really sure if I’m actually the second ever?’ He adds a question mark somewhere to the post-it, then resumes the strikethrough. ‘I only speak English and Russian and a little Japanese and I’m fairly sure I wasn’t born female. I think I want to try long hair though,' he tacks the last part on contemplatively.

‘The abs?’

Viktor shrugs. ‘I’m working on it.’

Yuuri snorts. He sinks back in the plush armchair and sighs. He’s so close to finishing, he just needs to collect his thoughts and conclude and then he’s _done for the weekend_ but his mind is caught in a rut. His eyes wander round the Gryffindor common room and alight on Yuuko and Takeshi on one of their study dates again. They’re huddled together over one of her Transfiguration books and Yuuko’s leaning on Takeshi’s shoulder. It’s kinda cute.

He ignores the _other_ stares. Viktor is, as usual, completely oblivious.

Yuuri’s phone vibrates in his pocket and he knows, without even having to look, that Phichit is yelling at them to _get in losers we’re going shopping!!_ Yuuri gives up and writes an awful conclusion.

By then, Viktor’s returned the post-it note to Yuuri to return to Phichit. Yuuri feels like an owl sometimes, when it comes to Viktor and Phichit’s communication. They sit in silence for a while, broken only by the scratching of their quills. When Viktor sees Yuuri happily throw his quill aside, he leans into Yuuri’s personal space (as usual) and peers at his very neat handwriting. Ignoring Yuuri’s protests, he strikes out the whole conclusion and hands the essay back to Yuuri with a proud smile.

‘Just reiterate the first part and change the second last line to sound less frustrated and then you can go meet Phichit.’

Yuuri snorts again. It’s an unattractive sound, and it conveys his feelings perfectly. ‘What are you, my professor?’

Viktor gives one of his heart-shaped smiles and, with the tiniest hint of chastisement, happily chirps, ‘Do you want the A or the D?’

 _Both_ , he thinks, but he relents and tries writing the last paragraph again.

Yuuri’s phone is vibrating intensely and he can bet his Nimbus 2000 that Phichit is spamming him to _reply u butt—_

With a sigh of relief, he finishes the (admittedly much-improved) final paragraph and all but throws it at Viktor’s smug face.

‘Good job, Yuuri!’ And then he says something in Russian and he’s leaping over the table and engulfing Yuuri in a nice warm hug.

‘Thanks,’ Yuuri says into his shoulder drily, ‘now go for your training.’

Viktor pouts and whines, ‘But _Hogsmeade_ and _Honeydukes_ and—‘

‘Yurio’s gonna kick your ass again if you don’t give him a good fight next month, and then he’s going to come after _me_ in the bathroom _again_ while I’m in _the middle of peeing_. _Again_.’ Yuuri gives him The Look and Viktor shrinks a little, then he softens. ‘Besides, you can come hang with us after training if you really want to “get in on that immersion”.’ He uses his fingers to make air quotes as he attempts an awful imitation of Viktor’s voice.

Viktor recovers his good mood. ‘Then it’s a date!’ Okay, he sounds _way_ too happy saying that. ‘I’ll see you later! Check your phone at about six!’

The cheerful Slytherin leaves the Gryffindor common room, completely oblivious to the stares (as usual).

Yuuri overhears a first-year mumble to his friend, ‘I didn’t know Slytherins were like… that.’

‘Nikiforov is one of a kind,’ his friend swoons, sighing dreamily.

Yuuri can’t help but agree.

\--

Viktor Nikiforov is one of Yuuri’s closest friends.

He’d transferred into Hogwarts in the middle of their first year and he was immediately the talk of the castle with his interesting hair and eyes and accent. He consistently scored good grades and he _did_ become the Slytherin seeker in his first year, but only because the Slytherin coach, Yakov, had insisted on it. McGonagall hadn’t been too happy but she’d relented after Yakov got Viktor to write a three-foot long essay, and Viktor had _happily agreed_ , that monster.

Yuuri ended up his partner in Potions, and during their very first lesson together, they’d somehow almost made a Polyjuice potion and blew up their cauldrons within the span of fifteen minutes.

Viktor was talented, yes, but he was apparently also an awful klutz.

(‘He only forgets how to be a genius when he’s with you,’ Phichit teased, and Yuuri rolled his eyes.)

He still remembers the first conversation they ever had, over that cauldron.

Yuuri had been nervous (he was always nervous) to talk to Viktor Nikiforov. Like, _the_ Viktor Nikiforov. What if he said something stupid and made Viktor hate him? Then all the Slytherins would hate him, because the Slytherins all adored Viktor, and then he would be fed to the school basilisk and he would be a statue forever.

In the end, Yuuri hadn’t even needed to worry about looking dumb, because Viktor’s very first words to him were:

‘Hi! Do you speak English?’

And Yuuri had stared at him blankly.

‘Of course I do, I live in England.’

Instead of Yuuri being flustered (which was what Phichit had been expecting) Viktor had been the one who’d gaped at him like a fish, then flipped a whole sachet of powdered bicorn horn into their cauldron while he was waving his arms around and apologising profusely.

It had been kinda cute, until the cauldron exploded.

Even though they weren’t allowed to be partners for two terms after The Incident, Viktor kept appearing in Yuuri’s peripheral vision, awkwardly trying to apologise and make it up to him through increasingly ridiculous means (at one point Yuuri was being chased everywhere with levitating bouquets of flowers. Now that he thinks about it, he’s quite sure they were provided by Professor Longbottom) and they ended up talking.

A lot.

It got to the point where Yuuri got used to Viktor’s touchiness and Viktor’s fangirls and fanboys glared at him while he helplessly shrugged.

Even the Hufflepuffs, the greatest advocates of friendship, were confused by their friendship. Although, “confused” was putting it nicely. Phichit had gotten into a few fights (which was rather un-Hufflepuffy of him) in his “defense of my beautiful ship”.

Yuuri’s phone vibrates again. Speak of the devil.

He has only two unread texts and three missed calls, all from Phichit.

_Honeydukes is giving away little gift bags for free!!!! how many do you want_

_if you don’t pick up I’m getting you Acid Pops >:(_

Phichit was last seen fifteen minutes ago.

Yuuri _runs_.

\--

Minami Kenjirou ambushes him on his way out the castle near the lawn, begging him to bring back some Butterbeer and sweets from Honeydukes. He looks so small, wrapped up in furs and coats to ward off the chill.

He looks a little awed when Yuuri readily agrees, then blurts out, ‘Did you really score a goal by bouncing the Quaffle off the Slytherin goalkeeper’s head?’

Yuuri groans and buries his face in his hands. He’s never going to hear the end of it. ‘That was _one time_.’

‘Wow,’ Minami breathes out, undeterred, stars swimming in his eyes, ‘I’ll be as good a Chaser as you next year! Wait for me to get on the team, okay?’

He looks so earnest that Yuuri’s taken aback. Usually Viktor’s the one who gets admirers. How does he handle them?

Ah, that’s it.

Yuuri gives him the most charming smile he can muster and pats his head. ‘Sure thing, see you there.’

Minami Kenjirou turns bright red and flees.

\--

‘—I don’t know what I did but he just ran off,’ Yuuri mumbles dejectedly into his Butterbeer.

Phichit laughs. ‘Oh, Yuuri. I’m sure you didn’t scare him.’ He offers Yuuri another sugar mouse.

Yuuri bites off its tail and chews mournfully. ‘I’m awful at this. Maybe I have a scary troll smile.’

‘Or maybe he has a crush on you,’ Phichit suggests, grinning from ear to ear. He buries his smile into his Hufflepuff scarf. They’re taking shelter from the sudden cold front in the homey warmth of the Three Broomsticks. The pub is full of other Hogwarts students so it’s a miracle that they managed to get their favourite table in the corner.

Phichit downs his Butterbeer like water, and his Sickles flow out of his wallet like a river downstream. Yuuri prudently takes his money away while he’s talking into his scarf all muffled, and when he’s finished, Yuuri stares at him. ‘He’s a first-year,’ he says slowly.

‘You’re only three years older! The age gap isn’t that bad.’ Phichit flails for his wallet.

Yuuri flicks his forehead. ‘Phichit no.’

‘Phichit _yes_ ,’ he crows, and steals Yuuri’s Butterbeer.

Yuuri only sighs and finishes his sugar mouse. It dries his throat. He eyes the Butterbeer speculatively.

‘Phichit!’ A voice calls out.

Phichit brightens. ‘Guang Hong! Over here!’

The other Hufflepuff squeezes himself through the mass of bodies and emerges on their side of the pub. ‘Ah, hello! I didn’t expect to see you here,’ Guang Hong says to Yuuri sweetly.

Yuuri blinks. ‘Didn’t Phichit tell you I’d be here?’

‘I… forgot,’ the Thai admits.

Guang Hong’s eyes are sparkling. ‘That means Viktor Nikiforov is coming here too, right?’

‘He said he’ll call me at six—’

Phichit cuts him off. ‘Guang Hong! Tell Yuuri that Minami Kenjirou doesn’t hate him.’

‘Minami Kenjirou doesn’t hate you,’ the first-year repeats obediently, then he looks confused. ‘Wait, why would he hate you? He has a huge thing for you. I think he has posters—’

Guang Hong cuts himself off and looks horrified. Yuuri pretends he didn’t hear. ‘What was that?’

‘Nothing!’

He’s already forgotten about the conversation when he sees Leo sneaking up on Guang Hong and looks over at Phichit, who winks at him. Yuuri says nothing.

Leo sounds so betrayed. ‘Guang Hong, what are you doing here? First-years aren’t allowed—’

‘Gotta go, bye!’ Just like that, Guang Hong is gone.

Leo stumbles onto their table. ‘Was that Guang Hong?’

Phichit sips Yuuri’s Butterbeer and gives him his most brilliant smile. ‘Nope! Are you hallucinating him now?’

‘Shut up,’ Leo says absentmindedly. ‘He’s supposed to be finishing his work. He needs to improve his grades.’

‘Are you his tutor?’ Yuuri asks curiously, swiping his Butterbeer back from under Phichit’s nose. He’s seen them around, and it’s always Guang Hong looking confused by whatever’s in front of him and Leo patiently explaining to him.

‘Yup. And you’re Nikiforov’s study buddy, right?’ Leo smiles.

‘That’s right!’ Viktor’s voice says from somewhere behind Yuuri’s shoulder.

To Yuuri’s credit, he doesn’t jump when Viktor’s arms suddenly snake around his middle. He’s warm and only wearing one coat over his robes, so Yuuri doesn’t think twice about leaning back and stealing his body heat.

Phichit stares. ‘How many layers are you wearing?’ he demands.

Viktor hums. ‘Underwear, robes, coat. I’m built for Russian winters, after all.’

Leo’s staring, too, but for an entirely different reason altogether. Out of the corner of his eye, Yuuri catches Phichit shooting Leo a Look, but Leo only raises an eyebrow.

Yuuri breathes a sigh of relief.

‘Didn’t know Slytherins got all cuddly with Gryffindors,’ the Hufflepuff comments coldly.

Oops, his relief came too soon.

Leo continues tersely, ‘What do you want from Yuuri, Nikiforov?’

Phichit starts to protest, but Viktor waves it away. ‘It’s fine. You’ve said the same thing before,’ he gently reminds Phichit, who flushes in response.

Leo’s eyebrow goes even higher. ‘You’re friends with Chulanont?’

‘Yup! You should join us for Muggle Movie Marathon Mondays sometime. Phichit’s really good at singing Disney songs,’ Viktor chirps, pressing his face into Yuuri’s neck. It’s _really_ nice and warm, Yuuri sighs to himself.

‘Muggle… movie?’ Leo cocks his head to one side, all hostility lost.

Viktor grins and start to wave his arms enthusiastically while he rambles. ‘Yeah! I introduced him to Mean Girls and he’s been sending me memes ever since—’

‘Hold up,’ Yuuri objects, ducking before Viktor can accidentally elbow him in the face, ‘if you have his number why do you make me pass your post-it notes?’

Phichit covers his face dramatically. ‘Exposed,’ he stage-whispers.

‘I like the personal touch!’ Viktor protests.

‘Memes?’

‘Memes don’t need a personal touch!’

Leo looks overwhelmed. ‘I’ll think about it,’ he says faintly, holding onto the edge of the table as if he’s going to fall without the support. ‘I think I need to go and tutor Guang Hong now.’

‘Sure thing! See you around.’ Viktor _beams_.

Just like that, he’s won over another non-Slytherin. No wonder he’s never been bothered about their friendship, Yuuri thinks. Viktor can charm people, even if he’s not really half-Veela. Viktor is easily adored, and he’s adorable when he’s not being irritating, which is only half the time. Viktor could do better—

‘Yuuri, I want a sugar mouse too,’ Viktor whines into his ear tiredly. It’s a complete one-eighty from his prior bubbly self.

Yuuri automatically turns back a little to reply. ‘Ah, you must be tired from practice. Here you go.’

Thoughts still wrapped in the imminent whirlwind of anxiety, he pulls a mouse from Phichit’s paper bag and presses it against Viktor’s mouth, his fingers brushing against soft lips covered in lip balm.

‘Thanks,’ Viktor mumbles contentedly, lips moving against soft fingertips as he carefully bites off the mouse’s little nose.

Phichit smiles and doesn’t say a single thing.

\--

They end up trudging to the castle through the cold front, after a short argument about whether they should wait it out and risk breaking curfew or follow the rules and freeze to death. Yuuri wins with one of his worried expressions even though technically (and democratically) Phichit and Viktor should’ve won.

‘Alright, Russian bear, let’s cuddle.’ Phichit throws himself under Viktor’s arms, joining Yuuri in Viktor’s embrace. He pokes Yuuri, who smiles away Phichit’s concern.

They end up giggling as they participate in the strangest three-legged race ever.

Yuuri leans into Viktor’s warmth and closes his eyes. It helps to keep him calm, at least until he’s back in the safety and privacy of his room. Phichit will help him distract Viktor while he escapes and isolates himself through the attack.

It’s better for everyone that way.

\--

Phichit watches Viktor stare at Yuuri with his brows furrowed while he worries his lower lip between his teeth.

He prods Viktor in the side. Viktor takes a few seconds before tearing his eyes away from Yuuri.

Wordlessly, Phichit hands him a post-it note.

His front of mirth falls, replaced by curiosity and undercurrents of concern. When Viktor unfolds the post-it, his eyes widen and his sharp gaze focuses on Yuuri, only on Yuuri.

Phichit smiles at him. It reaches all the way to his eyes.

\--

The single mass of young wizards breaks apart only when they’re safely within the warmth of the castle.

‘Home sweet home,’ Phichit sighs dreamily. ‘I’m gonna go take a shower, I’m exhausted. I’ll see you guys!’

‘Wait, Phichit—’

Phichit’s eyes say “trust me” and Yuuri falters as his best friend walks away from him.

He hunches over and curls in on himself, as if making himself smaller would help him escape Viktor’s detection.

Instead, Viktor asks, ‘Are you cold?’ The warmth in his voice is inviting, like a hearth in a small wood hut.

He leans in as a reply. Breathing comes more easily in Viktor’s warmth, so he buries his face in Viktor’s coat. Viktor settles his arm on Yuuri’s side, pulling him in closer. They walk in silence until they reach the crossroads to their common rooms.

‘Are you alright?’ Viktor asks. Yuuri wouldn’t say that he’s asking gently (in fact, it's almost awkward and unwieldy, which is so un-Viktor-like) because Viktor has almost no EQ, but his saving grace is the sincere, honest concern in his expression.

‘No,’ Yuuri admits quietly, eyes trained on the floor. Viktor’s wearing his nice boots.

Yuuri can hear Viktor exhale shakily. ‘Then do you want to talk about it?’

For a moment, Yuuri lets himself imagine a world where he’s brave enough to tell Viktor the truth.

Not yet, he thinks, and shakes his head.

Viktor doesn’t push. He never pushes, not when it comes to Yuuri. Instead, he always meets him halfway, and it’s comforting, even if it hurts his heart even more.

Yuuri chances a glance upward, and he’s sunned by Viktor’s smile. ‘Okay. Can I hug you goodnight? Today was fun.’

‘Okay,’ Yuuri mumbles, and Viktor takes a step forward and holds him tightly, his face nestled in Yuuri’s hair.

‘Goodnight—’ and Viktor hesitates, then ends the phrase with some Russian word that Yuuri’s looked up on Google Translate because Viktor always calls him that.

‘Night.’

Yuuri’s heart is thumping, and for once, it’s not completely due to his anxiety.

\--

They say that Viktor Nikiforov’s a genius, that he tops the level because of his natural talent, it’s got to be natural talent, it’s in his blood, those filthy snakes have an advantage with their privileged upbringing and his parents could’ve bribed the school to let him into the Quidditch team—

 

They say that he’s half-Veela, he’s got to be! After all, it’s the only reason a Slytherin can be so adorably charming, right? Either that, or he’s gotta be a girl, there’s no way he’s a guy, Slytherin guys are all skin and knife-sharp bones and harsh words and cruel pranks and—

 

They say that someone’s seen Viktor Nikiforov take his shirt off in the shower and that somebody said that Viktor Nikiforov had an eight pack, that Viktor Nikiforov was shredded. It’s how he keeps his bullies at bay, by intimidating them. Slytherins play mind games, it’s the only way they can keep themselves from getting beaten up again and again and again—

 

They say that they’ve seen him cry in the hallways after a Potions lesson, when a group of fifth-year Gryffindors took it upon themselves to “teach that snake a lesson” after he got poor innocent Yuuri Katsuki into trouble. But that can’t be true, because Slytherins are never weak, no—

 

They’re tough, with their impenetrable shells, because their bodies are just sacks of meat and they all don’t have souls. They’re exclusive and haughty, and they don’t have friends in Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw and Gryffindor, not like Viktor Nikiforov—

 

They say that the Sorting Hat made a mistake, that Viktor Nikiforov should have been a Ravenclaw, or a Gryffindor, or a Hufflepuff, not a Slytherin, never a Slytherin, because Slytherins don’t have hearts and they don’t know love.

 

 

 

 

They say that Viktor Nikiforov’s in love with Yuuri Katsuki.

**Author's Note:**

> Memes/references:
> 
> Voldemort’s secret daughter- Harry Potter and the Cursed Child  
> Get in losers we’re going shopping – Mean Girls  
> Hi do you speak English/Of course I do I live in England – The Watchmaker of Filigree Street  
> Viktor Nikiforov is shredded – SNL skit with Kylo Ren
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/_antikytheras)


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